Intolerable Traits

Nearly seven years ago, I was in a slump. I broke up a long-term relationship and lost confidence in who I was. I became a hermit, crying myself to sleep too many times.

In an effort to inspire hope, my family challenged me to write a list of traits that I would never tolerate again in a future relationship. Two months after composing this list, I met a wonderful woman who lacked these undesirable aspects. There was hope for a relationship, after all. Ultimately, I married her. This list, as flawed and superficial as it is, changed my life for the best. And now, it's public.

10 Aspects of a Relationship I Will Never Tolerate (starting April 2003)

1. Isolationist: if she ever restricts me from communicating with my family (unless it’s something terribly personal about her and her direct family), I will not tolerate it. Good relationships open you to more people. Bad relationships isolate you from others.
2. Language Barriers: she must be able to speak sufficient English to prevent unnecessary miscommunication. We should be able to talk to each other for more than two hours without worrying about any misunderstandings. Communication should be easy and not require any excessive effort to say how one feels.
3. Short-Temperament: she must be patient and tolerant. Any short fuse will lead to a short-term relationship.
4. Hermitage: she must have a direct and close bond with friends and family. She must not place all her eggs of happiness into one basket. She must be happy without me, but perhaps happier with me.
5. Drugs: she must not be a drug user. This includes smoking cigarettes. Smoking kills. It also stinks!
   
6. Height Sensitive: she must not be concerned with her significant other’s height. Sensitivity to height is a red flag that she will be more sensitive to other superficial 'flaws' I cannot control.
   
7. Apathy: showing a lack of feeling or practicing stoicism extinguishes my passion for life and others. Saying phrases such as “whatever,” “I guess,” or “I don’t care” will lead to an immediate step to ending the relationship.
8. Whining: she must not resort to excessive complaining or disturbing noises to get her point across in a conflict.
9. Obesity: she must not be much fatter than me. Obesity could be prevented by the majority of the human population - this rule only applies to lazy individuals.
   
10. Worldly Ignorance: she must be aware and active of her surroundings in terms of economic, social, and political affairs. Those who are aware of the injustices and suffering outside their bubbles of life are more appreciative and caring with their personal circumstances.
    

This list wasn't meant to be biblical (I wasn't a man of faith at the time) or applicable to everyone. It's simply something that helped me to be where I am today and prevented me from making the same agonizing mistakes.