What a Dreadful, Wonderful Trip

Thank you, NYC, for the most memorable solo trip, the good and the bad.

I completed the TCS NYC Marathon with my third-fastest marathon time. I intended to PR, but I made the rookie mistake of running too hard and too fast for the first 18 miles. The crowds were so much fun, energizing, and LOUD that I got carried away, and I paid for it starting at mile 19. Still, it was a wonderful experience.

As for the bad, the 26.2-mile race was the easy part.

This was the first trip in my life where I felt extremely lonely. I haven’t felt this awful since I studied abroad and lived in Tokyo, Japan in 2000. I tried to focus on my creative projects, distract myself with a movie, and doom-scroll, but I was bombarded by negative thoughts: past failures, broken relationships, disappointments from before I accepted Christ into my heart. Intellectually and spiritually, I knew that if anyone is in Christ, the old has gone and the new has come (2 Cor 5:17). Still, I was battling serious issues I thought were long gone. It was absolutely terrible.

I ended up with only three hours of sleep before the race, tossing and turning like I had the nights before. I was angry and in despair. After I crossed the finish line, I had to be escorted to the medical center because my calves cramped like never before. A medical student massaged my legs, and we had a nice chat about our careers. We were both inspired and encouraged by each other’s paths. I felt much better afterward and was able to leave without any further issues.

Looking back, I don’t think it was a coincidence that the highlight of the entire trip came right when I needed it most. Right after the race, I hobbled back to my hotel, took a quick shower, and headed to a reunion with friends I hadn’t seen in 20+ years.

I was exhausted, but also filled with excitement. Back in 2004, while I was in grad school at Syracuse University, I opened my heart to Jesus and committed to attending church. I found a safe, nurturing home at the Korean Church of Syracuse (KCS), which is ironic, since I didn’t have many Korean friends before then. KCS taught me the foundations of following Jesus and introduced me to a fellowship of undergrads I shared life with constantly through Bible studies, prayer meetings, and serving together. Those friends helped shape my early walk with God. They were huge blessings then, and even more so now.

Reuniting with Peter, Josh, and Wei, and meeting Peter’s wife Julianna for the first time, was exactly what I needed. I was deeply encouraged that they are as strong in faith as when I last saw them, if not stronger. Catching up and meeting their beautiful children was such a blessing. Over dinner, we talked about the grace of God and how much we want our children to know Jesus. Not as one more thing on the to-do list, but as the thing that matters most. In a world that measures us by our titles and accomplishments, it was refreshing to sit with friends who measure their lives by something else entirely.

I also got to reconnect with an old Intercomrade friend, Andrew, who is now the CFO of a startup. I was truly touched that despite having a 15-month-old daughter and a highly demanding career, and running on fumes after a long day at work, he took precious time to reconnect with me.

The other experience I’d been waiting 20 years for was finally visiting the 9/11 Memorial and Museum. Reading the engraved name of Deora Bodley was a powerful moment I’ll never forget. She was a Santa Clara University student, one year behind me, who perished on Flight 93. As a fellow Bronco, her loss has stayed with me ever since that day. It was the only time on this trip I was grateful to be solo. At my own pace, I spent over four hours reading, listening, praying, and learning the countless stories of those we lost that unforgettable day. It brought a lot of perspective to my life, and I’m so glad to be returning home soon to my lovely wife and twins.

What a dreadful, wonderful trip.

Photos are coming but my flight home is departing soon. Will upload soon after 🙂